I remember the Rodney King scandal and the LA Riots and Mark Furman at the OJ trial as a confused tween. I didn't know what to think; heard lots of defense/reasoning for the police from how King had a history of addiction to how he led them on a high speed chase, etc. Since I had little experience with either police or drugs, I followed what my elders and the Bible told me: to respect and support those in authority. The riots were terrifying, and many other people were hurt and killed, it couldn't possibly be justified, right? Later in history class, I learned about slavery and the Civil War. Things have improved since then, right? I reasoned. Then OJ. He clearly did it, right? What does a racist detective have to do with anything?
I've had a lot of discussions and realizations regarding race and drugs and society since then from college & through 10 years of working with all kinds of people in all walks of life. I married a Latino who had a VERY different upbringing and experiences with law enforcement and had a few negative experiences together with the LAPD while dating. And now Dorner. I felt so terrible for the Quan family watching the coverage of the couple's execution Monday, & could tell that law enforcement and the media were baffled.
Wednesday night I heard that they had found the person responsible for the couple's murder and was glad. But on the way to work Thursday I was terrified and called my husband to ask him to stay home from work. I wasn't terrified because they hadn't caught Dorner. I was terrified of the LAPD. I knew what so many minorities must live with on an everyday basis for so long. What finally put me in their shoes? I own a grey Nissan truck.
I'm a selfish, fallen human being. I feel sick at what Dorner did to his union rep/lawyer Quan's daughter and her fiance, and Officer Cain. But I'm overwhelmed with a mother's terror and self-preservation and the image of a shot up blue Toyota truck with bulletholes where my daughter would be riding in her carseat and bulletholes all over the surrounding neighborhood. And I'm no longer willing to hear excuses like "it was shotgun pellets, the truck had no lights on," or that "it was driving slow, & tossing projectiles that could be explosives" or that "it didn't respond to warnings."
If I were in favor of gun control before, why would I be in favor of it after knowing the LAPD would remain armed while I remain helpless? The LAPD is stretched to it's limit with 50 details protecting it's own, leaving the rest of us to fend for ourselves for 10 minutes or more when we call 911.
Quan has suffered the unspeakable terror of losing a daughter and that was almost visited on a poor Chinese woman as well. Law Enforcement is to be considered professionals for a reason: they aren't supposed to be trigger happy in residential neighborhoods and then make excuses about the victims being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Needless to say, I was more willing to hear Dorner's side while in this mood. And that's the LAPD's problem all along. They have NEVER ONCE issued a mea culpa for ANYTHING in my lifetime. Not for Rodney King, not for Mark Furman, not for Giovanni Ramirez, not for Christopher Dorner. It's nothing but excuses and I'm not willing to hear them anymore. And in such I mood I read Dorner's "manifesto."
There was nothing in Dorner's post that caused me to fear for my personal safety or that of any of my friends or family, but I can ceratinly see why that post (combined with his actions) strikes fear into the heart of everyone in law enforcement and their families. As an Angelino who doesn't have a dog in either fight, I have more to fear from the LAPD for the duration of this hunt than I do from Dorner.
That's not to say that I'm not heartbroken and angry for the murders of innocent people that Dorner is accused of committing. & there you see the second problem for the LAPD: my shift in my language. Even given the threats clearly written in his post, I'm not entirely willing to discount a farfetched conspiracy we could only dream of at this point. so a little tip: let some other agency bring him in. and above all don't kill him and make him into a martyr. And I'm a little baffled at their incompetence in the ensuing search.
He doesn't seem to be the one with a problem hitting his intended targets, and as selfish as it sounds, neither I nor my friends or family are on that list.
This selfish thinking is an evil temptation of my selfish, fallen thinking. And this is Dorner's main problem. He appears to have had good friendships, intelligence and resources to fall back on, until he sold his soul to make this point. Was my epiphany regarding how terrifying the LAPD truly is, really worth your life and soul, Mr. Dorner? That is terribly sad, and I pray you repent and value your life over your name. Is being a murderer of innocent family members truly a better name than the liar you were accused of being? And how sad that none of your friends were willing to get you the mental counseling you so desperately needed before you hurt others, and still need before you hurt more.
In reading your list of grievances, my husband and I knew it was true, because we have both experienced similar corruption in the nepotism of employment in government agencies. It baffles me how the LAPD could never once fire an officer for mistreating/ridiculing a suspect but fire an officer for the 1st offence of lying about a colleague/partner.
But this is not a reason to dedicate your life to waging psychological warfare by taking the innocent lives of their family members. If you truly cared about the public, you seem intelligent enough to know that the LAPD will take it out on the rest of us. And that is the real tragedy of those who would call you a hero. They will suffer the most in all of this. You told the Chief that he needs a "come to Jesus moment" & I pray you are still open to one of your own.
You are wrong about Jesus, Mr. Dorner. He may not have been called the racial ephithet used for African Americans, but he was called other names. You also profoundly misunderstand His story, fiction or nonfiction. And the Bible is poetry, mytheme, self-help theology/philosophy, and so much more. Jesus was railroaded by a corrupt court and lying witnesses in the middle of the night, and tortured and publicly ridiculed so a murdering freedom fighter could be free. So in a very real way, Mr. Dorner, Jesus took the place of someone just like you.
You opened our eyes to some really repulsive behavior by your colleagues, and in your fallen way, you are trying to even the scales in the best way you know how. But it will not work. It can't.
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